First of all, top with with made up holiday shit.
M. The eldest in every way. 60? A few more? Large, Male. Stern. Humourless. Pillar of the Community. Religious pomposity. Bitch wife.
M1 Male. Suicide in 1984.
M2. The abuser. Male. All the rest of us have our stories.
P. Mid 50’s. Got the short end of the stick at every turn. He and I have a , pleasant, easy relationship.
V. The only girl. The only one with a relationship to each of her siblings except T1. She deserves better. Without her, I’d be in a cardboard box or more likely, dead.
T1. The beast.
I don’t think a picture of all of us exists.
We haven’t all been in a room together since one of us was in a coffin.
The rest of us will probably never be in the same room together again.
It feels good and all, but the best part of anal is how curious straight guys are and how much it freaks them out.
Please follow these instructions and send me four pictures.
-be male and hot.
-Put the camera on the ground, lens facing up.
-First photo, standing, legs straddling the camera.
-Second photo, kneeling, straddling the camera torso straight up.
-Third photo, kneeling straddling the camera, on all fours.
-Fourth photo, kneeling straddling the camera, sitting back on your heels
Women masturbating freaks me out, not gonna lie.
The song “If You Can Find Me I’m Here” from the Stephen Sondheims “Evening Primrose” as sung by Neil Patrick Harris
Patti LuPone’s performance from the 2008 Tony Awards
Today is Stephen Sondheim’s birthday. There will be a few of these.
Not for nothing Tumblr, but after seeing a monitor flatline while connected to me, your activity graph doesn’t impress.
I’ve lost my place, wallet, keys, glasses, mind, virginity, self respect, perspective and religion but losing a plane is just irresponsible.
Star Trek is like the nerd Old testament, and Star Wars is the new.
Dollar for dollar, I’m a bargain.
Bitch please. I’ve been drunk tweeting since 1987.
I’ve been drinking, so if you’re out partying and need a ride home, call someone else.
If not letting you see my Netlix queue means I have “intimacy issues”, you’re just a new aged hippy.
Truth is, from a design standpoint, there’s no reason for your ass to be so fleshy and round beside feeling good banging against my hips.
America is the only country in the known universe that can provide a cast for a show called My 600 Pound Life.
As long as I recycle them, I don’t have to feel bad about all these bottles, right?
I am not Bipolar. I’m totally Homopolar.
The secret to good microwave burritos is to just kill yourself right now.
I am a fat, grey-haired old fuck. Fuck you if you aren’t too.
Somehow, the dog seems to know that I’ve eaten everything that doesn’t need to be defrosted.
And then sometimes you wake yourself up snoring to find a whole wheat tortilla on your chest and you wonder.
I don’t remember being this unhappy when I was stoned.