You know something? Seeing all these adorable cartoon characters on Facebook is totally making me re-think abusing the kids. Thanks FB!
People don’t seem to die in quicksand too often anymore. Did we fix that or don’t we care?
Sure he looks cute staring at me like that but sometimes I just know the dog is mapping my throat.
I miss sinning.
Say what you want, Athiests don’t light their houses to be visible from space.
Ginger ale is the “I don’t feel good” soda.
RT @lafix: Exxon/Mobil earned $18 billion in profits, paid no taxes and received a $156 million tax refund. Republican math is magical.
He doesn’t question me about human things and I don’t question him on canine things so if he wants to eat his puke, I figure its recycling.
Tonight I am drunk with power. Except I have no power so I’ll use this nasty beer instead. Don’t matter as long as I’m drunk.
I trim the hair in both notstrils even though I can only breathe out of one because it’s the right thing to do.
I hate insurance companies, but I gotta go with the one with the hot Spanish guy over a gekko and the one too cheap to hire musicians.
Heineken, because a successful Dutch oven needs piss-like Dutch beer as fuel.
I would rather use chili sauce as anal lube.
Because today I just wanted to laugh - Carol Burnett Show outtakes - Tim Conway’s Elephant Story http://t.co/LJJi6ZW via @youtube
My winter speciality.
I only go to ugly dentists ever since that time i went to a hot one and freaked him out by deepthroating his hand to the wrist.
A bigot disguised as a hero who might have been President. For this the indians gave up their land.
As an American, as long as the World Cup doesn’t create more traffic for me, I don’t give a shit where they have it.
John McCain has run out of reasons to block the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” - Slate Magazine http://slate.me/fKref8 -