Twitter tip #8; Unless you’re using it for un-natural purposes and have pictures, no-one else gives a crap about your food.
I’m naturally suspicious. If I seem friendly it’s only to get close enough to figure out your angle. Or I’m high.
Thanks to the interwebs, kids will never forget the sluts and douchebags they went to school with. I think that’s sad.
Are the gays allowed to serve yet? I lost track. #dadt
I bet you didn’t know the sun has an anus. I sure didn’t http://t.co/QzPin9p
My ass was so high and round while I was dancing. Since I stopped, gravity and genetics took over. The sag folds look like a valance.
Teenaged eye rolling is not just a sign of insolence, it also lets you know when the head is ripe enough to slap off the body.
Nature was supposed to make me an evil genius but left out the genius. An investigation is under way.
I don’t know how you feel, but I’m pretty sick of church people. You know what...– George Carlin (via fygeorgecarlin) (via jaggzz)
I blame genetics.
A therapist once suggested I let his wife perform “healing touch” so I never went back cause I’m not into that kinky straight shit.
Tie dyed bell pepper http://twitpic.com/2jgbr8
After seeing the pictures of the crowds at Becks rally I understand why humans shouldn’t breed from within their own bloodlines.
Today is a holiday for N.A.M.B.L.A. It’s MJ day. Happy birthday in hell Michael.
“Restoring Honor” | History Eraser Button http://t.co/h7OyPYP Is this the teabagger rally or a gathering of peopleofwalmart.com?
Building a Nation of Know-Nothings - NYTimes.com http://t.co/DzE5gIG
This November Glen Beck plans a drive through Dallas with the Governor and a brunette in pink Chanel.
My sister mentioned today that she admires how I never let what other people say bother me. I told her I didn’t give a shit what she thought
RT @argylestyle: Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin hosting a “restoring honor” rally is like Paris Hilton & Lindsey Lohan hosting a “healthy life …
I didn’t “give up” so much as “wash my hands of” don’ let the lack of a basin confuse you.
A shot of liquid D.N.A. helps to chase the blues away. #poems
She said the puppy had a pot belly like me. Twice. The second time I said “and you”. Now she’s insulted but she’s 14 so I don’t care.
My brothers make Cain and Abel look like the Osmonds.
It would be nice to dismiss the stupid things that Americans believe as...– Timothy Egan for the N.Y. Times http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/25/building-a-nation-of-know-nothings/
RT @mikey_m00n: I’m an astronaut - http://yfrog.com/mvgikgj
It’s insensitive of the Muslims to distract all the hate and vitriol of the right wing away from where it rightfully belongs; the gays.
Ok, how about this, can we do stem cell research with gay, illegal, Mexican or Muslim embryos?
It’s better for me to raise a dog, I’m sure any children I might have had would have been douchebags.
RT @Joan_Rivers: @ricksanchezcnn Bristol Palin’s on DWTS with the guy from Jersey Shore? Looking forward to The Situation competing agai …
It might surprise you to know I have nothing snarky to say about Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday. She was a right broad.
It’ll be the first time Bristol dances on her feet instead of her knees or her back.
I can’t wait to write about this heat rash in my Xmas newsletter.
Suddenly I have a burning interest in President Wilson.
90 years ago today women were given the right to vote. That might mean something if rights weren’t subject to the will of hysterics.
A Letter To My Students
insooutso: by Michael O’Hare, Professor of Public Policy, Berkley Welcome to Berkeley, probably still the best public university in the world. Meet your classmates, the best group of partners you can find anywhere. The percentages for grades on exams, papers, etc. in my courses always add up to 110% because that’s what I’ve learned to expect from you, over twenty years in the best job in the...
”One side says, ‘Our weakness emboldens jihadis.’ The other...– Jon Stewart on the Park51 Islamic Community Center.
Here, play with these.
If your response to “that’s discriminatory” begins with “yeah but..” or “what about..” or “the polls say..” you’re defending discrimination.
Parents, if, when you take your kid to tonights activity you notice that they smell bad, please return home and wash the little fuck. thanks
You know how you practice what to say so you don’t get screwed even though you know you’re getting screwed anyway so why not give up? That.
RT @MyPointWas: Take a moment and admire how sweet your dog is. A head-pat is like 1 million favstars to them.
Too bad the founders didn’t put in a clause banning all religions if one is banned. I could get behind that.
I figure if you don’t look where you’re putting your naked ass, maybe you need a splash of cold water and porcelain.
I am willing to do unspeakable things for pie right now. Limited time offer.
Precocious is parent for pain in the ass.