March 2012
100 posts
Being a wine snob is not likely. If I can’t tell what flavor lollipop I’m sucking, I’ll never detect notes of cherry or earthy undertones.
February 2012
80 posts
Don’t blame me. I’m supposed to be dead right now.
Seeking contraception advice from a “celibate” child molester is like seeking advice on cunnilingus from me. You will fail and deserve to.
Does anyone know how I can get Tumblr to stop posting those stupid fucking cheesecake factory ads on my blog?
I wanted him to know I liked him but I didn’t know what to say. I went with “did you fart?” He didn’t respond as I’d hoped.
Why yes, I have been doing quite a bit of drinking lately. Would you like to know why? Because fuck you, that’s why.
I bet Frothy Mix gives a totally lame, unenthusiastic reach around.
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Dogs Underwater. →
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Happiness is the correct application of the block feature
“you have no right to discriminate against us while we exercise our right to discriminate against whoever we want to” - The Catholic Church.
The good news about the inguinal hernia’s is that there’s finally something in my groin worth looking at.
Breaking - Catholic rectories number one purchaser of Astro Glide.
Where do I enroll into the war against religion?
Of the age and face where I must start paying for sex. Please send price menus.
You’ve got a pretty mouth. I’m thinking of getting it tattooed on my palm.
Feeling an emotion. I blame the merlot. I never feel anything after pinot noir or chianti.
By far the best part of working with kids is the appreciative DILF.
Now accepting gizzard shots via DM
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No black woman is going to give her child to a gay man with more junk in the trunk than she has.
Are alcoholics born or made? Just trying to get a handle on the timing of what’s left of my life.
He came to see the show and when the cast found out, they all screamed and got wet panties. Then there was the girls.
I don’t do motivational speeches, I do the work instead.
With ativan, all things are possible.
“Santorum is morally against coming from behind.” God how I missed you Stephen Colbert.
I really should not be around people tonight. My mood is like hepatitis, bad and wants to spread.
I hear the phone ringing. I’m not answering it so stop calling. If it’s important, try smoke signals.
The non-smoking isn’t getting any easier, but an assault and battery charge is.
She said “go tell the band to play softer, I can’t hear my kid” then went and sat right behind the horns. Irony is lost on some people.
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the tip is my favorite part.
Is it still inappropriate if I offer him cash?
How act I ends. His direction was "fuck the... →
“What the fuck is a steak knife?”
– The Book Of Mormon
I can’t help thinking that I would have understood Tommy much better, or at all, if I could have been stoned when I staged it.
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When it comes to other peoples children, I believe in favorites.
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He's a pinball wizard. →
Restaurant Owner Martha Boggs, you go girl, you go →
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America’s obesity epidemic began with the anti-tobacco freaks. It was a thinner, happier nation when everyone smoked.