I had to teach a tap number tonight and learned something. Fat, middle aged cardiac patients shouldn’t be tap dancing.
I can never tell when I’m bullshitting.
The scrotum is the Michael Jordan of skin sacs.
Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock! - Psalms 137:9
The dog just asked me to keep it down. Suddenly he’s five and such a tight ass. ssshhhhhh.
If I had a son I’d name him Malbec. Or Merlot, but I think Merlot might get his ass kicked at recess. Fuck him, I got through it so can he.
It’s been awhile since my under knew thunder.
The mother ship is late.
I’m pretty sure the dog thinks we live with an invisible goose with really bad breath.
I used to want nothing more than to be seen and heard, then I realized, nobody important was watching or listening.
I’ve been in love twice. One is married with two kids in England. The other lives in an S&M threeway in Georgia. Now I drink lots of wine.
I have a corkscrew, Twitter and prescriptions for Xanax and Ambien. Surprisingly, this is not a suicide note.
Ruth Brown - If I Can't Sell It I'm Gonna Keep... →
Moon over Jupiter.
Honestly, life was much more satisfying when 70% of my caloric intake was smoke.
One of my favorite theater kids with @sfosternyc. →
Dionysus, God of wine and drama. "because a little... →
I probably should read the prescription bottles a little more carefully. Guessing was way more fun though.
Why doesn’t the medical establishment use easier language? For example,”Inguinal hernia” should be called “hurts like hell with no relief.”
“I don’t say I’m no better than anybody else, but I’ll be damned if I ain’t just as good.”-Oscar Hammerstein II via Aunt Eller.