Anonymous asked: what's the youngest age you would give a blowjob to?
Some kids are just special, and not in a small-bus, wear-a-helmet-to-prevent-further-damage kinda way.
Given the choice I much prefer to spend my time with the misfits, outsiders and weirdos. They’re endlessly creative and entertaining.
You should probably know that every time I see you I imagine you naked and how you taste but If you knew you’d freak out. BTW, yummy.
Anonymous asked: Answer the following.. 1) Favorite Broadway Show? 2) Favorite Song? 3) Worst Broadway Show? 3) Best Actress? 4) Best Movie? 5) Who have you met who has had a lot of talent?
I haven’t been found attractive by anyone in a decade.
I’ve asked and I’ve pleaded, but noone sends dirty pictures. Nobody loves me.
I want nobody to know I’m dead until the remains have been disposed of. I’d love it if a week later, people say “where the hell is he?”
I got yelled at and blamed for making a kid cry because she couldn’t meet Blue. Yelling back saved me an Ativan.
Has anybody found out why you can’t say “vagina” in Michigan? Is the state run by queasy gays or virgin nerds?
"Ask a stupid question...." →
“I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon.” - Nora Ephron
Just signed on but haven’t had my first bottle…glass, I meant glass, yet, so approach slowly.
The other voices in my head think I’m an asshole too, so you’re not alone.
Since being forced to give up cigarettes nearly 10 months ago my life has not improved one iota. Nicotine is happiness.
Stress eating while on a diet it pointless which leads to more stress which makes me very stabby.
Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s the prescriptions or the wine but if it makes me friendly what the hell should you care.
misterjudemartin asked: Boom, Crunch! Sad I didn't make the list of Tumblr People! :P
Ask me, I'll tell you. →
I’m pretty sure they think keeping that priest as a pet like they do will help get them into heaven. It won’t.
Can’t wait for when you all start posting pictures of your hot pieces of ass boyfriends. Just don’t ruin the picture by being in it.
My mother had these ginormous breasts and she’d hide all kinds of stuff in her bra. Cash, keys, her wallet, the Franks.
The doctor is in. Aks me. →
Do the racetracks in the Southern hemisphere go to the right?
Miss Piggy has done more for fat people than Lane Bryant.
I would only consent to another relationship if the prospects where good for some awesome arguments.
Bullying a 68 year old school bus monitor? Really? She should be given a coat made of the skins of those little fucks.
The cost of looking good. →
I farted and the bird fell out of the tree. It was a coincidence.
Taking an extra ativan to deal with this Twitter outage. Maybe I’ll take two extra.
This year I’ve had to give up cigarettes, pot and now, carbohydrates. I hope I don’t make it to next year.
If you come over, I’ll suck your dick but then you gotta go.
Attention please, Seth McFarlane is a hot piece off ass. Carry on.
A chinese dwarf is proof of the absence of God.
Good thighs are important. Sorry, but sometimes it’s s necessary to state the obvious.
I don’t have fantasies of heroism, unless swallowing counts.
What kind of wine goes with Chianti?
Now accepting ass pictures.