I never saw this much paid advertising for Chik-Fil-A. So why give it to them for free? Fuck ‘em. Let ‘em hate, go to the Colonel.
A place to send your filthy pictures bit.ly/NdtJik A place to send your filthy questions bit.ly/bnaWqM Send filth
I really think the original lyric was “Loving you is beautiful ‘cause you’re easy.”
Mormons, if you want to baptize me after I’m dead I’m fine with that. Just know, I think Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were lovers.
I was supposed to see a therapist. Instead I sent a link to my twitter feed. Today I got a prescription and a restraining order in the mail.
Darwinism tried to take me out in September but modern science intervened. Somehow I know there’ll be hell to pay.
What I used to think was love, I now realize was gas.
http://frankentitties.tumblr.com/post/26403407938/daughterofhungryghosts-they-twerk-better-than I thought you would appreciate this.
I regret I have but two middle fingers to give to the world.
I will work happily for hours to get that shit out of your balls, but once it lands on me, you have two minutes to get me a towel.
A penis is a happy thing.
No dirty inboxes. resorting to professional porn.
Pictures, videos etc go here. →
Questions go here. →
it “was awesome and I was famous and I was powerful” - George W. Bush reducing the Presidency to “I’ll marry you, you have a hot car.”
I’m sorry for whatever I did, just please, twitter, come back to me.
There’s only one person who wants to talk to me, the rest of you can finger fucking paint.
misterjudemartin asked: Filthiest thing you ever did?
I’m spiritual. As long as the spirit is wine.
As if denying gays membership makes the Boy scouts any less gay.
I hate the new normal.
Talk to me, but not if I hate you. →
Fuck The B.S.A.
What if, and I’m just thinking out loud here, what if tolerant, decent people created their own scouting organization?
I was trying to be nice. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.
I’d like you better if you teabagged me.
theironcaptain asked: tommietommietommietommie! when are you at plaza this week?! i wanna visit ya!
Empty balls are happy balls
Tonight a group of middle school kids called me daddy and I touched a slug on the garbage. Can’t decide which makes me more nauseous
It’s called Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin and if you’ve never had it, your life just sucks
I’ll never love you but I give great head so, you decide.
Well yeah, if you say it like that you can make anything sound inappropriate.
I want a goddamned cigarette. I’ve been good for 10 months and I deserve a fucking cigarette. Now give me one or I’ll key your car.
Here Ye, Here Ye, Bitches; At The Appropriate...
- 1 Pack, Benson & Hedges Deluxe Ultra Lights. (Don’t hate). - 1, 1/4 oz., Marijuana. - 1 copy Gypsy. (Merman, LuPone. Even Tyne Daly, but NOT Bernadette) - 1 copy Sweeney Todd (Lansbury or LuPone only) (She dies in a furnace. THAT’S poetry) - 1 copy of anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber because his music should all be burned even if it is one copy at a time. Just doing my share....
Dogs need to go on walks. Every day. It’s part of their most primal instincts. I mean your pet, not your wife.
Some of my friends have teenaged sons and I’m wondering if it’s wrong to tell them that their sons are hot.
Whenever @ricky_martin posts in Spanish my ‘taint quivers.
Build his self esteem, tell him his penis is beautiful.